


In which Pietro has nightmares

by Laroja



Series: Clint Barton's Home for Wayward Superheroes [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3907531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laroja/pseuds/Laroja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Pietro still has trouble coping with what happened during the fight against Ultron. Good thing Clint is there to help. Spoilers for Age of Ultron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Pietro has nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, when I started planning this series, I said to myself that there would be no angst, it'd all be sunshine, rainbows and kittens (no, seriously, there might be an actual kitten at some point) but I should've known it wouldn't last because if I had a middle name, it might just as well be Angst. So, uh, sorry?  
> I actually planned to post another part before this one but I'm kinda blanking on that right now, so you get the angsty part earlier. Hopefully, this will be the last we see of angst in this series...  
> (Also, in an unrelated note, I went to see AoU again a few days ago (because what better way to spend your birthday than by watching one of your fave characters die again?) and I have to say that apart from a few things that I still don't really like (*coughs* Bruce/Nat *coughs louder* Pietro dying) the movie is really freaking good and I take back most of the negative things I ever said about it. Except for all I said about Bruce/Nat and Pietro's death. Not changing my mind about that. But I'm able to enjoy the rest of the movie now which is making me immensely happy so yay.)
> 
> And - as always - I want to thank you all for your support and the lovely comments & kudos on the previous parts. You guys are awesome and continuously make my day. ♥

Clint wakes up in the middle of the night, his throat completely parched, and with a sigh, he pushes the covers back and gets up.

"Clint?" Laura mutters sleepily. "What are you doing?"

"Just getting something to drink," he answers. "Go back to sleep, darling."

Laura mumbles something and by the time Clint has reached the door of their bedroom, he is pretty sure she's already back asleep.

He walks down the hallway and has almost reached the stairs when he notices something. The door to Pietro's room is standing slightly ajar.

Clint raises an eyebrow and approaches the room.

"Pietro?" he asks cautiously and pushes the door open. Empty.

"Huh," he says. Where the hell would Pietro go at three in the freaking morning? Then it hits him.

Clint makes a detour to his and Laura’s room to grab his hearing aids (he has a feeling he might need them) and then he walks out again and opens another door and yes, just as he had thought. Where else would Pietro be, honestly?

 

Pietro is sitting in the dark next to Nathaniel's crib, his knees drawn up to his chest and his eyes fixed on the baby.

For a second, Clint isn't sure if the young man has noticed him but then he begins to speak.

"Sometimes I can still feel them," Pietro says quietly, not looking at Clint. "I wake up and I feel them."

Clint doesn't say anything. Instead he sits down next to Pietro and joins him in watching the peacefully sleeping baby and waits for the younger man to continue.

"The bullets," Pietro says. "I close my eyes and I see it all happen again and I feel the bullets hitting me and I can't make it stop. I've never," Pietro swallows. "I've never felt anything like that. Everything was so slow, it always is, but I still couldn't... I wasn't fast enough, I'm always fast enough but not this time and what if I hadn't been fast enough to save you, what if it had been Wanda, what if I had died and Wanda would've been left all alone? I promised her I would never leave her. I _promised_ her."

Pietro breaks off after that, breathing heavily, clenching and unclenching his fist several times.

"I can't make it stop. I can't make the pain stop," Pietro spits out those last words and Clint looks over at the younger man who is still avoiding his eyes steadfastly.

"It's stupid," Pietro continues. "I've had nightmares before. About our parents. The bombs. But never... not like this."

Clint sighs. "Pietro, you almost died," he finally says. "You've been through so much; you've been through more shit that anyone your age should be. Having nightmares is normal. To be honest, I would be more worried if you didn't have nightmares."

"But I don't want them," Pietro snaps. "I don't like it."

Clint snorts. "Who does?"

 

But the thing that Clint doesn't want to admit - not now, not ever, and certainly not to Pietro - is that he dreams about it too. Pietro dying. It's stupid, Clint keeps telling himself, he's a grown man, he's seen a lot of shit in his life, he's seen a lot of people die, some were friends, some weren't, some he considered family. But he and Pietro, they hadn't even been close when it had happened and yet the younger man had taken center stage in all of his own nightmares ever since that day in Sokovia.

Even now, when he chances a look over at Pietro, he can still see it. He sees the blood seeping out of the bullet wounds, sees the way Pietro looked at him, can still hear him say "You didn't see that coming?" in that broken voice, still sees him crumple to the ground.

Clint has to look away from the younger man, the image of him lying there motionless and deathly pale all too fresh in his mind. He had been sure that Pietro had been dead and the mere thought of someone who was nothing more than a kid sacrificing himself for him... It had almost been too much.

But Pietro had lived. It had been a close call and half a miracle but his powers had saved Pietro's life in the end. Dr. Cho had later explained to Clint that Strucker's experiments hadn't only affected Pietro's physical speed. They had accelerated everything, including Pietro's healing factor. They had also changed the structure of the young man's bones and muscles in order to make them strong enough to endure the speed at which Pietro could go. Those two things combined had kept Pietro alive long enough for Dr. Cho to be able to heal him with her regenerator.

Pietro had survived and he'd found his place with a brand-new family that loved him and Clint couldn't be more grateful that he was able to give the younger man that.

 

"How do I make it stop?" Pietro's quiet voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He sounds defeated and Clint wants to reach out and comfort him but he knows Pietro wouldn't react well to that.

"You don't," he says instead. "You can't really make the nightmares stop. Trust me, I've tried. You learn to deal with them and you find people who can help you through them."

"Wow, that is really sucky advice."

"It's the only advice you're gonna get, kiddo. Life sucks and then it only gets worse. I hate to tell you this, but this is only the beginning. Those powers you got, they make you a target. Whether you want it or not, this is your life now. Right now, you may be able to hide here but sooner or later, you'll probably end up back in the field and there's going to be a lot more shit for you to deal with. But you're going to dust yourself off and keep going and you know why?"

Pietro shakes his head. "Why?"

"Because of Wanda. Because of Laura. Because of Kate and Barney," Clint gestures towards the baby, "Because of Nate. All the people you care about, the people you love, they make it worth the pain."

"Huh," Pietro says and they both fall silent, Pietro clearly lost in his own thoughts. They sit like that for several minutes and Clint has almost dozed off again, when Pietro decides to start talking again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You already did," Clint replies and he doesn't need to look at the younger man to know that he's rolling his eyes. "But okay, you can ask another thing."

Pietro stays silent for a few seconds but Clint waits patiently. He has a feeling that whatever Pietro wants to ask isn't easy for him to talk about. Clint has some experience with that.

"Why?" Pietro finally says and Clint raises an eyebrow.

"Why what?"

"Why did you let me stay here? Why are you still letting me stay here?"

Clint shrugs. "You saved my life."

Next to him, Pietro scoffs. "Please. I also fought against you. I worked for Strucker, I helped Ultron, I did all I could to make your life difficult."

"You still do," Clint snorts but then he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Listen, kid," he continues. "Yes, we started out as enemies and frankly, you and your sister made a few really dumb choices and you did almost help a huge robot destroy the entire planet but in the end, you didn't. You realized that what you were doing was wrong and then you did something about it and _that’s_ what makes the big difference. We have all made stupid decisions at some point in our lives, it's what you make of them that counts in the end."

Pietro says nothing and Clint chuckles dryly. "Did you think that my life was always the way it is now? Trust me, I am the master of bad choices. At least I used to be. Until Laura came along and straightened me out. I was kind of an idiot before I met her."

Pietro actually gives a short laugh at that and Clint waits for a sarcastic comment but when Pietro remains surprisingly quiet, he continues. "I had a crappy childhood. My dad was an alcoholic and he wasn't exactly... the loving sort of father. And one day he managed to get himself and my mum killed while driving drunk and that was it. My brother and I went into foster care but we were stupid little punks and one day, we decided to run away from the orphanage. That's how I ended up at the circus. Long story short, it's really not a good idea to let two messed up, easily susceptible kids join a circus, trust me."

"What happened?" Pietro asks and Clint smiles wryly.

"What do you think? We fell in with the wrong crowd. The guy who took me under his wing and taught me archery, he was a crook and a con and that's what my brother and I became too. When SHIELD got to me, I was at a really bad point in my life. I was given a choice, go to prison or join SHIELD so that's what I did. My brother... He wasn't so lucky. He's dead now but I was given a chance at a better life. Someone believed in me and now look where I am. I have an amazing wife, wonderful kids and I'm a goddamn Avenger! The point is, Pietro, everyone deserves a second chance and everyone deserves someone who believes in them."

"But what if I'm not cut out for this whole hero thing? I'm not like Wanda. She... She's so much braver and stronger than I am. She always has been."

"Oh please," Clint snorts. "I can't believe I'm saying this but you're a lot braver than you give yourself credit for. You put yourself in the way of a bunch of bullets just to save me. You didn't even really know me and you did it anyway. Sounds pretty heroic to me. I mean, it was stupid as hell but I'm pretty sure stupidity is a huge part of being a hero. Look at Steve. He keeps jumping out of stuff with nothing but his shield to protect him. Hell, look at me! I've gone up against aliens and robots armed with nothing but a bow and arrows. You don't do that kind of thing if you're completely sane. So really, you fit right in."

"Thanks," Pietro replies dryly and Clint lets out a short laugh.

"Just telling it how it is. Trust me, you won't ever find a superhero who isn't at least a little screwed up in some way. You're young, Pietro, no-one expects you to have it all figured out already. But if you do want to join your sister and the rest of her team some day, I hope you know that you'll have our full support. Because I do believe that you have what it takes to be a superhero. Though the kids would probably miss you."

"And you wouldn't?" Clint can practically hear the smirk in Pietro's voice and it's hard to hide his relief at that. He's glad that Pietro seems to be starting to feel better again.

"Eh, you're not that bad, I guess," Clint replies with a shrug and Pietro snorts.

"You know you love me."

Clint rolls his eyes.

"Right," he says and gets up from the floor, groaning as he stretches his legs. He's too old to be sitting on the floor for so long. "I'm going back to bed before your ego gets even bigger. What about you?"

Pietro shakes his head. "Not yet," he replies. "I think I'm going to stay here a bit longer."

Clint nods and clasps Pietro's shoulder. "Alright. But if you need anything..."

Pietro looks up at him and gives him a small smile.

"Thank you," he says. "For... you know."

He makes a vague gesture and Clint nods.

"Sure thing, kiddo."

Then he ruffles Pietro's already unruly hair and walks out to the sound of Pietro's annoyed protests.

It might still take some time but the kid's going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Just one thing to add:  
> \- Huge parts of Clint's backstory are taken directly from the comics (Clint's dad being an alcoholic and an abusive asshole, his parents dying in a car crash as a result of Clint's dad's drunk driving, Barney and Clint running away to join the circus and becoming criminals) because I love incorporating comic book references


End file.
